I was really lonesome yesterday.  Why that day?  Who knows.  Sometimes you wake up in the morning, get a cup of something hot, read the morning newspaper, do the suduko  and crossword puzzle, fix your breakfast and then realize that you have the whole day in front of you and nothing special to do.  And nowhere special to go.  And no one special to see.  And that makes you lonesome.  For something, or someone, or somewhere.

I don't do that very often.  But when I do, I know that I have to be the one to solve my problem.  So yesterday, I got in the car and went down to Edmond Antiques to see Pam.  She owns the store and has four huge rooms full of treasures.  But she is the greatest treasure in the store.  She is so upbeat.

And when I told her I was there because I was lonesome, she went into high gear to cheer me up--and tell me that my life had purpose, and that people listened to me, and that she loved reading my blog every day, and that I was wonderful, etc., etc.  Sometimes you just need a friend to lift you up and tell you that you are special even when it's not true.

And just so I wouldn't have another day like yesterday of being in the dumps, I drove the 30 minutes to Pat's house to measure the dimensions of her bathroom, utility room and try once more to figure out how to attach a garage to her house.  And Eureka!! We figured it out.

Everyone needs a purpose.  And when I'm blue, I know that I am not busy enough.  That I need more things to do for people.  So I called a friend and am thinking about joining her in tutoring kids.  The program is church based, so I have to get vetted.  Problem is, the kids are grades 2-5.  Not my calling.  However she told me that they have a program for grades 7-12 as well which is where I taught in my church for many years.

Am I going to do it?  I don't know.  I'm going to try it.  It will fill up one half of my Tuesdays.  Now I just  have to work on the other days.

"Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Ecclesiastes 9:10

Pat and her husband Tom live in a log cabin on twenty acres.  She called last night and asked me to go get something to eat with her.  She is trying to figure out how to attach a garage to her log house.

We worked on a design for over two hours and never did come up with a solution that could attach to the house and not cover up the geo-thermal lines and wells--but there was no good way to do it.  I've helped retrofit eleven houses, and this is the first time I've been stumped.

You can't have everything you want in life.  You have to compromise.  In a situation like this one, I always start by listing my personal priorities--and when I reach an impasse, I take that item off the list and go on from there.  I give up something I really want because it just won't work.

But you can't do that in your Christian life.  Because God sets the priorities.  His plan is always perfect.  Problem is, you have to follow it.  The first step is to acknowledge that there IS a God.  Some people never get past that step because if there is a God, then He might want to require something from them.  They don't want any authority in their lives but their own.

The second step is to acknowledge that He came to earth and died as a sacrifice for the things you have done wrong,  then rose again to intercede for you.  But those steps don't get you there, they just get you started.  The Devil himself believes that there is a God and that He came to earth and died for sin, and rose from the dead.

You have to give up the authority over your own life.  Give all of yourself to God.  That's the hard part because people don't want to be subject to the will of God.  They want to rule their own lives.

It comes down to a matter of trust.  Do you trust God's plan for you or do you think He is "Out to get you."  The more a person reads the Word of God, the more you realize that He has good plans for us.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord.  Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you and expected end."  Jeremiah 29:ll

Yesterday I dog-sat.  Four dogs going out and coming back in all day.  I can manage the three schnauzers, but the border collie (Sadie) weighs a ton and doesn't come when I call her.  And of course, she got into a "dog-war" with the two dogs on the other side of my fence.  You could hear the three of them growling and barking a mile away.

I finally corralled her and got a leash on her and drug her inside, which I had to do every time I let her out.  However it was a question of who was dragging who.  She is big.  And strong as an ox.

But once inside, they are all really sweet.  Max and Annie and Squig all lie on my lap at the same time and Sadie lays her head on my feet.  At that point, it's a dog party.  Everything is peaceful and calm--until I have to let Sadie out again.  Oh well, I need the exercise.

So far, none of the dogs seems to be interested in the koi pond--which seems unusual.  It looks to me like the fish would be an attraction for them.  But all they do is drink the water.  Maybe they haven't noticed the fish.  I hope that's it.

John, my gardner, brought me three new Koi babies.  I had turned the pump off when I went to Paris and two of my big Koi had died.   (I thought it was cold enough for them to go into hibernation.  It wasn't.)  I'm going to try and not kill these.  I really felt awful about it.

"And...God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them.  And whatever Adam called them that was their name." Genesis 2:19

I haven't named my baby Koi yet.

I am terrible when it comes to doing my homework in a Bible class I enrolled in.  I'll memorize the scripture, but filling in all those blanks (by the questions they ask) drives me nuts.  It takes so much time, and I have the answers in my head--so why write them down??

I guess we all have our own way of doing things.  We just need to be sure we know what we are doing.  That's a pretty important point.  Questioning ourselves is a good thing, "Why do I do this thing this particular way?  Is there a better way to do it?  Do I have to fill in the blanks?"

Our habits control us, and if we don't examine them, they can limit what we accomplish because we don't advance or learn anything new.  Or anything better.  In other words, we get in a rut.  I like the rut I'm in but I try and explore the edges of the rut on occasion to see what's out there.

I never go anywhere that I don't go through the four "P's" to be sure I'm not forgetting something critical.  1. Purse,  2. Passport,  3.  Phone,  4.  Pills.  Everything else that I forget can be replaced or bought when I get where I'm going.  I never take more than one small bag anywhere I go--including overseas.  But those four things are absolutes.

The first time I went to Paris, I stayed a week and the only thing I took besides the four P's was a backpack.  I am always amazed at the people getting off an airplane that have to navigate with four or five pieces of luggage.  Why?  I don't get it.

When we go to heaven, we aren't taking anything with us.  I'm especially anxious to get rid of the pills.  Just think, we are going to get new bodies.  It's a good thing because mine is pretty well shot.  It's served me well, but now it is falling apart.  A little here, a little there.

But God is good.  I'm still kicking.  I have no major pains that I can't endure.  And as long as the pace-maker keeps working, I'm good.  The doctor tells me that my heart is perfect in every way, except that it doesn't beat.  Psalms 51:10 "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."  God's in the business of fixing hearts.  

I've always thrown parties in my home for family, church, showers--bridal and baby--and Ken's squadrons.  It just seemed like I was the one who did that for some reason.  Thirty to forty people was  the usual count that I could seat at tables.  But if there were more, they just sat on the floor around a big old round oak coffee table.  No big deal.

But there is a time you quit doing those things.  Your children are gone, other younger women start doing what you used to do, and your socials get smaller.  And fewer.  Finally I quit.  Until last Saturday.  I had my Sunday morning class over for dinner.  There were nine of us.

And what I found out was--I had forgotten about all the details that go into having a party.  A million details.  When you quit doing something, and then try to do it again, you realize that you have lost some of your ability to make it happen.  And it becomes a big deal.

I eventually got there--it turned out great.  Everyone had a good time.  And after it was over, I fell into bed, slept like the dead, and promised myself that I would never do that again.  I'm sure I will forget and do it again someday.  But it wasn't easy like it used to be.

There are habits that we have in life, when neglected, become harder to reimplement.  I have been saddened at the number of people in America that have stopped going faithfully to church.  They have lost the commitment, the habit, in their lives.  Because, let's face it, occasionally you get a pastor that isn't dynamic, or the music doesn't suit you, or someone irritates us, etc. etc...excuses.  But going to church puts us in contact with people who are on the same path that we are on.

And it's not always about what you get out of it.  There comes a point in Christian maturity when you realize that there are many people who need what you have to give.  And the people in your church bond in a way that doesn't happen anywhere else.  God put it this way: "...let us consider how to spur one another on to love and good deeds.  Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit of doing, but let us encourage one another..."

God expects us to gather together.  It's his way of insuring that Christian people bond.

I learned about endurance when I married Ken.  I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't having to endure.  But there I was in Pensacola, Florida.  Eighteen years old.  No car.  No friends, no church family.  Actually, no family at all.  Couldn't cook and didn't have a clue about what Ken did every day.  I couldn't even carry on a conversation about his work--I wouldn't have understood it anyway.  I was an appendage to his life and hadn't figured out what my life was yet.

And then the children came along--one every eighteen months.  Children that I had to raise almost entirely by myself because Ken worked sunup to sundown.  And nights--when he had cadets that had to learn instruments--how to fly in the dark.  Someone had to teach them how to do it.  The good thing was that we seldom had an argument because there was so little time together.  We had been married 3 years when he went overseas for 13 months and left me with two babies.  (Obviously, we crossed paths a few times!!)

We barely knew each other, and it was years before he was really there in our lives.  I just endured the days, weeks, and sometimes years that he was gone, waiting, holding it all together somehow.

Becky was very ill once, they hospitalized her--and gave her no chance of recovery.  Ken was deployed.  I asked if he could come in from the field.  The answer was "No, he has the experience in  laying steel tarmac.  We don't.  They need a tarmac runway in Nam...they're depending on him."

I sat in the hospital by myself night after night.  I didn't know the doctors.  Or the nurses.  Alone.  Wondering what was going to happen.  I don't know what people do at a time like that when they don't know God.  We had lost our third daughter two years earlier, and I felt that we were going to lose another one.  God intervened, and she lived.  And I endured.  What else could one do?

Every move, every childhood disease, every broken bone, every scraped knee, etc., etc...well, you know who took care of it.  There was no point in stressing.  There was nothing to be done about any of it.  Marine families live with great stress in difficult circumstances.  It's not normal--whatever that is.  I think a person either rises to the occasion, or gives up.  I don't give up.  What's the point in that.

Proverbs has a quote on everything.  Whatever you need advice on--Proverbs has it.

Proverbs 11:13 "A tale bearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter."  I bet you have figured out who you can trust with a confidence and who you can't.  I know I have.  And there are some people with whom I would never share anything.  Anything.  Nadda.

"Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint."  Proverbs 25:19

Once, when I was in the ninth grade, I was given the responsibly of selling a bunch of tickets for an event in our high school.  I was told to get people to help me do it, which I did.  I placed my confidence in them.  Five days later, I rounded up those people to turn in the money, and one of the girls (who had said she would help) hadn't sold a single ticket.  Why she volunteered to do it in the first place I'll never know.  But there I was--stuck, spending that last day running around Pryor selling her tickets  I never forgot that lesson.  And I never put any confidence in her again.  And here I am, 60 years later, still remembering how that felt.  Like a broken tooth.  Or a foot out of joint.

I always liked this Proverb:  "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."  Proverbs 25:11  Ken's mother had the gift of saying exactly the right thing at the right time.  She didn't say much, but when she did, you listened.  "Oh my," she once told me. "Don't pray for patience.  Because when you do, all you get is more tribulation."

She told me to read James 1:3 which I did.  "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith develops patience."  She was right.  Patience always comes from enduring a difficult situation.  You really don't need it any other time.  By praying for patience, I was asking for more difficulty.  What I needed to do was ask God for the ability to endure the problems that came my way.

Which I learned to do.  Endure.  Now, I know that things are going to happen in my life that I don't like.   I just have to wait it out, and trust God to give me the strength to do just that.