Psalms 49: 15  "But God will redeem my soul...for he shall receive me."  I know where Ken  is.  He has been redeemed by God.  "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  Substance.  Evidence.

A friend who is a Methodist minister said, "If our loved ones are with the Lord,  and the Lord is always with us, then our loved ones must be close by."

Paul said it this way when he wrote to the Hebrews about our forefathers.  "…seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, (those who have gone on before us) let us lay aside every weight…and let us run with patience the race that is set before us."  Heb. 12:1  I just have to suck it up and run the rest of my race.

I like to think of those who have gone before me as Paul described:  A cloud of witnesses.  Their lives and witness are a standard for us to follow.

Psalms 46:1-2a  God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear…"

There are good days, and there are not so good days.  But God is truly a defense (refuge) and offense (strength).  He supplies (helps me) what I need to get through these days of grief.  The weather has been so terrible that I have been house bound and that makes it lonely.  But people are so good.  Every day there are cards.  I am not alone even through I am by myself.

Thank you for your prayers.  The thing about a not so good day is that I know I'll have a better one tomorrow.

Well, I'm locked in.  Sleet and ice.  The worst that weather Oklahoma has to offer as far as I'm concerned.  I really feel sorry for those people have to get out in this mess.

I'm sure we've all seen "sayings",  those quotes of scripture--or moral reminders--that are meant to hang on the wall.  My grandmother had one of those.   In her little four room house,  as you walked in the front door, was a little plaque that quoted this scripture:

Psalms 37: 25  "I have been young, and now I am old;  yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed (children) begging bread."

Now that I am probably considered to be old--I understand that scripture.  I find it interesting that she, my Gran, had no other scripture on her walls.  Just that single Psalm.  It made such an impression on me.  It was her statement that God was her strength, that He would never forsake her, or let her go hungry.  The only requirement was that you be righteous.  Christ covers that for us; he is our righteousness.  But if there was ever a righteous woman, it was my Gran.

She was in her 80's, living alone on Social Security.  She had an old 1950 Ford, and she would pick up the "Old Women" (as she referred to them) and take them to the grocery store, or to church.   I don't know if any of those ladies helped with Gran's gas.  I hope they did, but even if they didn't, she depended on God for her sustenance, not other people.

I've been young.  Now I am older.  God has never forsaken me either.

I had a wonderful grandmother.

Today will be interesting.  Sleet, ice, freezing rain and snow.  The snow is not so bad, but rain freezing on power lines and freezing limbs that break trees is a disaster.  There is a saying in Oklahoma, "If you don't like the weather, wait a minute."  Maybe all of this will melt soon.

I'll just keep reading the Psalms.  Unless I lose electricity and can't see.  The day that Ken left, I had cataract surgery.  Who would have known?  And I still haven't gotten new glasses.  I have to wait two more weeks.  But I've got a magnifying glass so I think I will be able to read Psalms even if I lose power.

Psalms 50: 10, 12  "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  Restore unto me the joy of your salvation; and uphold me with your free spirit."

If you are like me, there are things that I wish I could redo, or take back, or even forget.  But it doesn't work like that.  Our hearts are not clean.  We're guilty.  And it takes an act of creation to clean us up.  Only God can do that.  He paid a price--his life--for our sins.  Just so we could be clean again in God's eyes.  He sees clean.

And thinking about the things we've done wrong is so discouraging.  Satan would defeat us with discouragement if God was not in the business of renewing a right spirit within us.

And with discouragement comes the death of joy.  And that is what we want.  Joy.  The joy of knowing that things are right with our God.  The joy of salvation.

And we want to be held up when everything falls out beneath us.  Upheld with the Spirit of God that lives within us.  I'm being held up right now.  Thank God.

Psalms 14:1  "The fool has said in his heart, There is no God."  

If I've told you this story before, indulge me.  Ken taught sociology for 28 years.  On the first day of each semester he would say to the class, "The most basic sociological question that humans decide, is whether there is a God or not.  Since I believe there is a God, it will affect the way I present every sociological theory.  If that bothers you, now is the time to find a different teacher.  If it doesn't bother you, welcome to my class."

I have been amazed at the number of people that I don't even know who have told me stories about Ken.  I heard another one today.  I keep hearing things like, "He changed my life."  And, "He changed the way I looked at the world."  Hundreds and hundreds of his students are scattered all over the state.

 I remember checking into a hotel in Oklahoma City with our school's Student Council members and the check-in clerk looked at my signature and asked me, "Are you related to Ken Jacks?"  I told him I was his wife, and listened to his story about knowing Ken when he was in high school.  "We wrote Ken's name on our tackling dummies.  The coach told us that if we could take Ken down, we could beat Pryor.  He was an amazing fullback."

The stories go on and on.  Just when I think I know him, I hear another story.  I know one thing for sure, he believed in God.  It affected every aspect of his life.  It was a joy to be married to a man who had such a strong Christian conviction.   He lived what he believed.

There is a God.  It is the basic question we must answer before we can decide how to live our lives.  Any route that doesn't acknowledge Him is foolish.  Eventually, every knee will bow.

I think that I told you that when I go out to get the paper each morning, I look up and tell God what a good job He has done in creating our beautiful world.  I like to start the day by praising Him, because before the day is over I will almost certainly be asking for something.  As the day goes by, I become more concerned with all I have to do.  With problems.  But in the morning, my mind is clear.

I didn't even know there was a verse on that subject until I started reading the Psalms again.  Maybe I had read it years ago, and it stuck in my brain.  I don't know.  I know that the Bible says, "My word will not return unto me void, but will accomplish that which I have prospered it."  So if I read it years ago, it stuck somewhere and His word returned to my mind.

Psalms 5: 1-2  "Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto you will I pray.  My voice shall you hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning I will direct my prayer unto you, and will look up."

When you look up  you may see the sun rise, or like today--fog.  Whatever it is, it feels good to look up and say "Hello" to God.

I also raise my hands to the sky.  It humbles you.

I have been reading the Psalms.  What a wonderful collection of David's thoughts, songs and prayers.  (He was so human.)  I play the piano and the marimba at our church.  So many of the hymns are like David's songs.  Full of meaning and from the heart.  I have found the hymns and the Psalms so very comforting the last two weeks.

Ken loved music.  He would always tell me what a great pianist I was.  (I am very, very average)  The last few months, at night after I got him in bed,  he would ask me to play for him.  I wish I had played more, but there was a 40 year period that I just couldn't seem to get around to it very often. Raising children, going to school, working…Playing the piano wasn't at the top of my list.  But Ken kept after me to play.

He bought me an upright grand.  I gave it to my daughter.  When my mom was gone, I took the piano from her home, but when my granddaughter began to play, I gave it to her.

So four years ago, Ken bought me another upright grand and I began to play again in earnest.  And I got better.  I am glad Ken didn't give up on me.  Every night he would ask me to play, "Eternal Father Strong to Save."  I did.  We sang it at his service.  I have been playing it again each night these last two weeks.  I think Ken is listening.  I am a much better pianist because he kept pushing me to play.

Music.  One of the gifts that God gives us.  We have the understanding of it in our hearts and souls.  It transports us to a memory, a place or time.

"I will sing a new song unto you, O God…"  Psalms 144:9a.  I am trying to sing a new song.  It is no longer a duet.  I am singing a solo.  I will get better at it with practice.

Thanksgiving.

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you."  1 Thess. 5:18

This verse keeps running through my mind.  It is God's will that we be continually thankful.  I have read this verse may times, even memorized it--and yet it took me awhile to recognize the word that makes continual thankfulness possible.  The word is "in", it is not "for".  In everything give thanks, not for everything give thanks.

I am not thankful for the agony that Ken had to go through.  But "in" it there were so many things to give God the glory for.  Ken's life in Christ was remarkable.  Everyone who came by the house, actually everyone in Pryor, knew where Ken was going.  His friends were there.  His children.  He slept in the comfort of his own bed until he drew his last breath.  Dozens of loved ones helped him during the final steps of his journey.  He was surrounded by love.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me…" Psalms 23:4a

Ken was absolutely fearless in the valley he went through.