I think God planned it all.  Two people absolutely meant for each other.  We had an interesting life.  The years in the Marine Corps defined who I turned out to be.  I wouldn't take a million dollars for it.  And wouldn't do it again for all the money in the world.  Military life is hard.  You are at the mercy of the government's whims--which change with every president--who is the Commander in Chief.  You don't get to choose where your live.  You don't get to choose how long you live there.  You don't get to choose whether or not you will spend the next year together--especially when there is a war.

  Five children.  Ten grandchildren.  Three great grandchildren.  Ken told me when he married me, "The difference in our ages won't matter much now, but someday, you will probably have to figure everything out by yourself."  Which I have done.  I don't like it.

The thing about being a widow is that you are a dangling appendage to the lives of other people.  Included from time to time, but not quite a fit.  It's hard to figure out what you are supposed to be doing when you have spent fifty-seven years cooking three meals a day for someone.  Washing their clothes, folding them and putting them in their drawer.  Making decisions together.

It's like you don't have a point anymore.  I have to invent things to do to fill up my time.  And yet, I enjoy the fact that I can start a book and finish it in a day if I choose.  As a matter of fact, I can do whatever I want to do.  There just isn't anyone to do it with.  Which is the biggest adjustment.

My friend Carolyn told me, "People will say, I know how you feel.  They don't.  They can't know what is like to be left behind until they go through it."  She lost Wayne years and years ago.  I'm working on the fifth year and it feels like an eternity.  The thing you miss the very most is having someone to talk to.  That listens.  That replies.  Even if it is just, "Uh-huh."

When the Bible says, "The two shall become one," it's the truth.  I think it's the completion factor.  That other person fills you out.  Complements your personality.  I know that now I feel like only half an entity.  You can't live with someone fifty-seven years, lose them, and be whole again.

Till death do us part.  To love.  To care for.  To share your life with.  He was the love of my life.