What a week.  Jonathan and Jennifer came over on Monday for us to do Christmas with their two little boys.  I fixed ham loaf--which is Jon's favorite.  Then, I had one of those radioactive Pet Scans on Tuesday--which they say has no side effects but always gives me a blazing headache.  The next day, Wednesday, Pat had her last surgery on her heart.  And Thursday, another one of my children had surgery.  Today is Friday and this week is over.  It's been difficult.

But everything turned out good.  It's all over.  God answered all my prayers.  I had a hard time saying my prayers because I wanted what I wanted for each and every one.  So my prayers went something like this: "Lord, you know that I "want to want" your will.  But really, if I am honest with you, I want you to do what I want.  But I know you are a perfect God, and that "...all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."  (Romans 8:28)

So then, I would end my prayers with: "You know I love you, and you know I want your purpose in all of our lives.  So it comes down to trust, and I trust you."  But then I would end by saying, "But you know what I want."  I'm glad God loves me.  Otherwise, he would just throw in the towel.

I can't imagine the agony God suffered watching his Son suffer.  I will never understand why God did that for us.  Especially when I consider that most of the people in the world reject Him.

Why would God let Jesus suffer such agony when God knew that all the sin that Jesus took upon himself would (in the most part) be for people who would never accept him.  I thank God that he did that for me.  Jesus said: "Enter through the narrow gate.  For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter (the gate of destruction)." Matthew 7: 13-14

Robert Frost said: "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And...I could not travel both...I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."

Christ on the cross has made all the difference.

I have been living in a pile of paper.  Ever since before Thanksgiving, I've been putting the mail on the floor by my chair, most of it unopened.  I opened the Christmas cards and read the letters, but the rest of it just lay there or got thrown out.  Until today.  I dug into it and paid bills, wrote letters, and entered addresses into my phone, etc. etc.  And now I am caught up, except for answering the Christmas cards.  Which I will do tomorrow.

I always pay my bills on time, so I don't think a few late bills are going to kill me.  But it is pretty much out of character for me to do anything late.  My mom taught me that being late was just a way to steal someone else's time.  That you should make someone wait on you.

People make new year's resolutions about this time every year.  After 78 years, I've run out of things to resolve.  I'm sure there are more things I need to do better, but other than start exercising again, I can't think of anything.  I'm sure my children will let me know where I am lacking.  They usually do.

It is a good thing to look at yourself and resolve to do better.  One other thing that I can do better is use my time more wisely.  I just don't know what to do with it.  I never had enough time until Ken was gone, but now, I can't seem to fill up my days with enough useful activities.  The things I would like to do I don't have the strength to do.  My body is working against my mind.  I thank God every day that it is my body that is failing and not my brain.  Although even that is getting slower.

They say that youth is wasted on the young.  So true.  We should be born old and get younger every day.  Then we would know how to appreciate how wonderful being young is.  Problem with that is that you would lose wisdom every day you lived.  However, at this age, with a truck load of wisdom, nobody seems to want any of it.

"Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Colossians 4:5-6

One of the things I don't like about a new year coming on, is that I have to start thinking about gathering up everything for my tax returns.  Ken always did that.  I never even thought about taxes in my entire life until the last three years.  Horrible stuff to deal with.

And my taxes went up on this house over the one in Pryor by $1,300  for the year.  Just because I live in Edmond.  Same size house as the one in Pryor, and this one is thirty years older than the one in Pryor.  And I didn't even get a homestead exemption last year.  They gave me some reason that I had to pay for the previous owner's taxes for the entire year, even though she only lived in this house for a couple of months.  I gave up on it and paid it after arguing with them forever.  Politely of course.

But I know that if Ken were here, he would do a much better job than I am doing.  He used to do my parent's taxes, and his parents, and an elderly aunt of mine, and our housekeeper.  And almost everyone else who called him to ask how to do their taxes.  

You would think with my background in mathematics that it would be easy for me.  But, no.  It isn't.  It is awful.  And I haven't gotten any better at it.

In Matthew 22:20-21, Jesus said:  "...whose image and superscription... (is on this coin.)"  They answered and said, "Caesar's."  Jesus then said to them, "...render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's."  I think the Romans must have had a simpler tax method.

I'm willing to render unto the IRS  And render unto God--but rendering to God is a lot easier.  God simply told us that 10% was okay.  And if you couldn't do that, then he reminded us to "Let each man do according as he has purposed in his heart: not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loves a cheerful giver."  2 Corinthians 9:7

I'm always cheerful about giving to God through the church, or giving to the poor...but the tax codes in America are ridiculous.  You have to be a genius to understand them.  I'm not.

Last week I picked up a piece of jewelry in Pryor, and the owner, Kerry Pace, and I reminisced  about an incident that was life changing for our church.

His mother Linda was fighting for her life.  Kidney failure was closing in on her, and it was becoming apparent that she was losing her battle.

Linda had been a faithful Christian for her entire life.  She had served God in the church, in the city and among her many friends.  She was one of those people that you knew beyond any doubt that she loved the Lord.  And one of those people who, if you knew her, you loved her.  Linda had helped all of us raise our children.  We had helped raise hers.  We were family.

Everyone knew that her time was short.  But none of us ever imagined her last blessing on all of us.

It was a Sunday.  The church was packed.  Linda came into the auditorium in a wheelchair.   The preacher announced that she had something to say to us.  I wish I could remember every word she said, but my memory fails me.  What I do remember is the hush that came over the entire church as she began to speak.

She told us that she had decided not to go on with dialysis, or other life changing procedures, and that she was ready to meet God.  She thanked us all for what we had meant in her life.  And then she took off the hat she was wearing and put a different one on.  "I'm just changing hats," she said.  "I'm going to a new church."  She was so positive.  Her face simply glowed with joy.

She was gone within a week.  But the testimony that she left behind will stay with us forever.  It was remarkable.

No one who was there that day will ever forget it.

The point of what I have been saying is that God breathed His life, His breath into Adam.  And that is what he intended for all men.  God intended to take up an indwelling fellowship with man.

But with one requirement.  God would be God.  Man wouldn't.  The interesting thing is that Adam got to choose.  To obey God, or not.  But once Adam decided not to obey God, he could not turn back.  Innocence cannot be regained once it is lost.

Some people want to blame Eve, but God didn't give the requirement to Eve.  He gave it to Adam.

In the letter to the Romans, Paul says: "When Adam sinned, sin entered the entire human race.  His sin spread death throughout all the world, so everything began to grow old and die, for all sinned...For this one man, Adam, brought death to many...Adam's one sin brought the penalty of death...while Christ freely...gives glorious life instead."  Rom. 5:12-17

Adam was the father of modern man.  In the book of Luke, chapter 3, the linage of Jesus is traced  all the way back through the generations to Adam.  This is a remarkable piece of history that is recorded in the Bible.  You go through all the "begat's" and when you get to Adam, it says that he was the son of God.

We can also trace the timeline from Jesus back to Adam, because the Bible records the years that each ancestor lived and when the next in line was born.  It is an amazing historical record.  No other writings in the world can match the Bible.  They don't even come close.

Try reading it.  You don't have to do it all at once.  Little by little this habit will bless your life.

My grandson asked me, "How do you know that those born after Adam didn't have God's Spirit living within them?"

I gave him a number of scriptures.  Ephesians 2:1 is a good example.  "Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins."  Paul was explaining to the Ephesians that without God's Spirit living within them that they are dead.  There are many other scriptures pertaining to that idea.  The point being that it is the Spirit of God that gives us true life.

There are only two positions for the human:  (1.) Alive physically but dead spiritually.  And when that person's body dies they are dead forever.  Jude 1:12 says, "These people are blemishes...clouds without rain...autumn trees without fruit...twice dead."  (2.)  Or you are physically alive and spiritually alive.  When you body dies, you still have life.  Twice alive.  Forever.  With God.  

Writing to the Galations,  (Gal. 2:20) Paul said, "...I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live.  Yet not I, but Christ lives in me...."  He--Christ--is the life.  Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life.  No man comes to the Father but by me."  (John 14:6)

The secret is that you must have Christ Jesus within.  He said:  "Behold, I stand at the door and knock.  If any man hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."  Revelation 3:20

Since death is inevitable,  you would think that everyone would trust Him and invite Him into their life.  But they don't.  And they miss the greatest blessing ever given.  God's Spirit, living within.  What a deal.  Life with God.

Forever.

Open the door.

The entire subject of the Holy Spirit (as we know it) began with Adam.  God put his Spirit in Adam--who had been created perfect and "fit" for God's Spirit.  But it didn't last.  Adam disobeyed.  That is what all sin is.  Disobedience of God's authority.

Just think of it.  God asked only one thing--and he could have made any requirement.  Such as, "Don't pick daisies.  Or don't whistle.  Or stay out of the mud.  But he said, "Don't eat from the tree in the middle of the garden."  That should have been simple enough.  But man--who had free will--did the one thing God said not to do.  He did not allow God to be God.  Adam did not obey.

We do the same thing.  Take any one of God's commandments, and the nature of the human is to break it.  We don't want anyone to tell us what to do.  We want to be our own God.  We want to be in charge of our own life--until something goes wrong that we can't fix.  Then we cry out to God to come to our rescue.

People don't actually want to surrender their will to God's will.  They just use Him as an insurance policy.  Cash it in when you need it.  Problem is, it doesn't work that way.  God knows those who trust him with their lives.  He knows who his children are.  He also knows who has totally surrendered to His will, because He lives within them.  You become His when you surrender to his will.  His Holy Spirit is what saves you.  And guides you.

You can't live a Christian life without God's Spirit.  It's impossible.  If all that was required was to keep a bunch of rules, you would soon realize that you couldn't do it.  You couldn't save yourself.

When Adam was cast out of the garden, he and Eve had children.  But the Holy Spirit can't be inherited, so Cain, Able, and Seth were all born empty.   As well as every human being after that.  The apostle Paul says that we are born dead.  The place in the human body that holds the breath of God was never again filled until Christ.  Jesus was Spirit first, then wrapped in human flesh.  He alone satisfied what God had intended.  He obeyed.

When you were born, you were destined for eternal life.  Forever.  The only question is:  "Where are you going to spend it?"  Animals don't have this problem.  They don't sin.  But humans, given any opportunity to do the wrong thing, seem to choose the wrong thing.   I had a youth teacher that I worked with for a number of years named Bill.  He taught senior boys, I taught senior girls.

Sometimes we met together.  Once, when he was teaching the combined group, he said:  "Guys, sin is fun for the moment.  If it wasn't, it wouldn't be any temptation at all.  Problem is, it kills you in the end."   He said that because of what God told us in Romans 6:23:  "For the wages of sin is death..."

We think of the word "wage" as money.  However, the interesting thing is, the word "wage" does not mean money at all.  It means script.  The Roman soldier was paid a wage--a script--that he couldn't spend.  He had to return to Rome to redeem it in cash.  So just like the soldier getting paid later for the work that he had already done, those who live in sin get paid later with death.

There was a preacher--Billy Sunday--who became famous for a sermon that he preached many, many times called, "Payday Someday."  Some people live their lives as if there is no tomorrow, but there will be.  Payday Someday.  It's coming.

So God devised a plan to take up habitation within us--liked he planned to do when he created Adam.  His plan was to cleanse us from our individual sins by paying for them Himself.  As a sacrifice for sin.  Now, when we allow Him to come live within us, he cleanses us.  The rest of that verse from Romans says: "...but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

What a deal.  God lives within me now.  Guiding my choices.  Reminding me of his will for my life.
And I am assured of life forever with him, and all my loved ones who have accepted Him.

I'll tell you the truth, it is such a peaceful way to live.  Peace with God that passes all understanding.

When God created man, He did something entirely different than when He created all other life.  "...the Lord God formed man...and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." Genesis 2:7  That breath, the Spirit of God, is what made the human soul.  God didn't breathe Spiritual life into any other animal.  Only man.  And only humans have the capacity to hold His Spirit.  We have a unique place within us that God intended to be filled with Himself.

We were created specifically with the capacity to hold God within us.  That is what salvation is--God himself living inside us.  Paul explained what happens when a human receives the Spirit of God within his heart:  "For it is God which works within you both to will and to do His good pleasure." Philippians 2:13  God within us is what causes us to want to do his will.

Paul said this to the Corinthians in 5:17 "...I live, yet not I, but Christ lives within me..."  We have physical life like the animals, but we are unique because we have a greater capacity than the animals.  We have the capacity for Spiritual life.

Adam had it.  But after sin occurred, people were born empty.  Sin made us unfit to hold God's Spirit.  But God had a plan to restore us and to put his Spirit back within the human heart.  "A new heart...I will give you, and a new spirit will I put within you...I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes...and do them."  Ezekiel 36:26-27  We may be incapable of being Christ-like, but God isn't.  God's plan was to reconcile man to Himself by dying for our sin.

This "Spirit within" the human body is unique.  We read in the Bible about the only other human born with (starting out with) the indwelling Spirit in 1 Corinthians 15:45  "And so it is written, the first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam became a life-giving Spirit."  Another version says: "The Scriptures tell us that the first man, Adam, became a living person, But the last Adam--that is Christ--is a life-giving Spirit."

Getting the Spirit of God back where God intended it to be is the entire message of the gospel.   "Christ in you, the hope of glory." Colossians 1:27

I have been writing about trivialities in my life since I finished the sequence of Genesis--first chapter.  But I am going to go deep, pick up where I left off, and get to the heart of God's plan for the man he designed.  God didn't just randomly design and create a human, he had a plan for man's purpose.  It wasn't just some wild idea that God dreamed up for his own amusement.

So what was it??  I think you would have to start with His decision to create a universe.  And an earth.  Did space exist?  What is space anyway?  Where did it come from?  How far does it extend?  And ultimately:  Why?  Why are humans in it?

Followed by the eternal question that plagues all believers:  Where did God come from?

If you are any kind of reflective person at all, in any way, I'm sure that you have pondered that question for a second or two before you realized that it is unanswerable.  When Moses asked that question, God said:  "I am that I am..." Exodus 3:14  That's the answer he gave us.  He is.

God is God.  How can any human consider the existence of our universe, and the total improbability of it being here at all, without a cause behind it.  I don't get it--why don't people examine the implications of their belief.  To say that God "isn't" is like saying "we aren't."

God--the creator--is.  There is a power behind the existence of space.  Of matter.  Of planets.  Of humans.  Of the thing we call life.  Life of animals.  Life of plants.  Life of you and me.  Life.  The journey of the human mind must come to the conclusion that there is something behind the miracle of our existence, and the existence of the space, the vast universe that we inhabit.  It came from somewhere.  We came from somewhere.

We are.  And God is.  It is simply too improbable to believe otherwise.  Connecting man to the God who created him is the whole purpose of the Bible.

I'm on my way home today.  And I can't wait to sleep in my own bed with my own pillow.  It's amazing how small things are so frustrating as I age.  My tolerance goes down every year.  I think I'm getting crotchety.

It could be the same brand of mattress and pillow and the thermostat set at the same degree, but it's not the same.  Home is home.

I understand why Ken said--when he came home from Nam and retired after 21 years of deployments, "God willing, I will sleep in my own bed, in my own house and on my own pillow for the rest of my life."

I wonder why people got started talking about heaven as "Going home."  Maybe because home is so dear to us.  It's not that we have a lot or a little, but that we know where everything is.  I have built a "nest" around my recliner in my living room.  Scotch tape, stamps, kleenex, pens, a calendar to write notes on, a white out pen, lotion for my hands, finger nail clippers, etc. etc.  Everything you can think of is in a basket, within reaching distance.

I don't have to get up and go look for anything.  I have an antique walnut three drawer chest next to the chair that holds everything else I can possibly think of.

Except hot tea.  I have to get up to get my tea.

I wonder what heaven will be like.  I hope it is a little bit like home.

One thing we can be sure of, it will be perfect.

I went to Pryor again.  It's unusual for me to go again so soon, but Squig needed to have his teeth cleaned.  They take good care of him at the Pryor Vet.  However, in the rush to get out of the house with everything I needed for two days, I forgot to post what I wrote the night before.

I think that maybe I've been trying to do too many things at once.  I left Edmond at 5:45, had breakfast with Carolyn at 8:00, unloaded an IBM that I didn't need any more at the computer store so they could find someone to donate it to. (Turns out they are giving it to my brother and sister-in-law for a mission of the church that they are involved in--I should communicate with my own family better!!)  While I was there, I gave Steve a disk to copy--10 more.  People keep asking for it.  (The ceremony at Arlington for Ken.)

Then I picked up a piece of jewelry at Ivan's that Kerry had reset in a new mounting.  Next I went to my old church to make a donation to Lottie Moon--I would do it at my church in Edmond, but they split it into a bunch of missions and I want mine to go exclusively to overseas missions because the brother that I failed to communicate with (noted above) was a missionary to China.

Next I had a doctor's appointment.   Which made me late for a funeral for a lady who helped me raise my children during the years I was so sick.  She practically became a permanent member of our family for over 60 years.  Loved her.  And finally grabbed lunch at 3:30.  Then went see my granddaughter Meagan's new house--and see my great-grandchildren and spend time with them.  It has been a very busy day.  Found time to ask God a couple of times to give me a safe trip driving.

So now, I'm still in Pryor after a long night with Squiq and Becky's dog Annie crawling all over me all night.   (As long as I was coming here, I brought them both)  I'm tired before I even get going.  I'm too old for this.

Maybe I will sleep tonight.  "You will keep a person in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on God."  Ecclesiastes 9:10

Tired, but peaceful.

Squig is not very smart.  Bless his heart, he is sweet and loving, but I don't think he will ever learn to fetch.  I have tried all the suggested methods to get him to bring his toy back to me when I throw it, but nothing seems to work.  He is not motivated by treats at all, which makes it difficult.

But some things, he learns.  He will lie around all day, sleeping on the sofa.  But when I put on my shoes he comes unglued, begins to yelp, squeak, and dance all over the family room.  If I am going somewhere, he wants me to know for sure that he wants to go with me. I guess he has learned that when I put on my shoes, I am leaving in the car--since I pad around barefoot most of the time while I am in the house.

But if I tell him, "I''ll be back in a minute," he stops prancing around and just stares pitifully at me as I leave.  So maybe he isn't completely dumb.

When I let him go with me, I tell him to "get in the car" and open the car door for him.  Which he won't hop into--until he has made a complete circuit all the way around the back of the car, past the passenger side, past the front of the car and back to the driver's door where I stand patiently waiting on him while he does laps.  And then, instead of getting in the open door, he always goes under it before he hops in.  Which is difficult because there isn't much room to jump in that way.  I haven't been able to convince him that there is an easier way to do it.

I wonder if there are things that God is trying to teach me that I am just as head-strong about.   Am I running circles around things that need to be done, (like Squig running around the car). Things that I am so in the habit of doing my way that I fail listen to God, or notice that he is holding a door open for me--and fail to recognize that he has a better way for me to do it.

I said that Squig was not very smart.  I bet that sometimes God thinks the same thing about me.

Becky Bacon came to stay with me yesterday and left today.  So much fun.  She is married to Joe Mike--you may remember that I told you that he was Garth Brooks pilot for a number of years.  Vietnam veteran, aviator.  He and Ken were wonderful friends and Becky reminded me of how all of us met.  I had forgotten this story.

She and Joe were living in St. Louis and needed to move closer to Texas--where his mother was--but stay within driving distance of St. Louis--where Becky's son was.  So in a conversation with Richard Dickerman--a China missionary who was visiting his ailing mother in St. Louis, (Becky was an R.N. caring for his mother), Richard suggested that they move to Pryor as it was halfway between St. Louis and Texas.  Richard told them that he had served in China for many years with a missionary doctor that was from Pryor and told them how wonderful Dr. Swan was and that he would be an instant friend.  So Becky and Joe moved there.

Cut to the day I met Becky.  I started going to a Bible study at my church, saw Becky and knew she was new.  I asked her who she was and how long she had been in Pryor.  She told me that she and Joe Mike had just moved to town.  I asked her what they were doing in Pryor, and she said a friend had suggested it as a half-way point between Texas and St. Louis.  He said it was a great town and that it was the home town of a missionary friend of his in China, Dr. Swan, and did I know him. I answered yes, and she asked what was he like.

"He's a real brat," I said.  She was shocked.  She said, "Everything I've heard about him was so very positive and wonderful.  I can't imagine why don't you like him."   "Well," I said, "I like him okay, but from an older sister's point of view, growing up, he was ornery." And I told her the story of how he would get home before I did from school, get the mail and hide my letters from Ken.  And a dozen other stories of growing up with a little brother.

"I can't believe that the first person I have met in Pryor is Bill Swan's sister,"  Becky said!  We then began to talk about our husbands, their common experience as military pilots.  Later, Ken and Joe met each other and instantly bonded.  Ken called Joe his little brother.  They became best friends.

Becky said that Joe was so proud to be Ken's friend.  That feeling was mutual.  That was twenty-two years ago.  It seems like yesterday to me.  It seems like yesterday to Becky as well.

What you believe determines how you live your life.  Whether it is true or not.  For instance, when you were little, your mom made sure you washed your hands with soap.  So without knowing any better, we assumed that soap killed germs.  Which isn't true.

Soap cuts grease and oil.  Which loosens dirt and allows dirt, grease and oil to be washed away.  But the only germs that soap gets rid of is the germs contained the dirt, grease and oil.  Everything else lives on happily on your hands.  Washing hands is very important, but in a hospital you want to be sure that after the nurse or doctor wash their hands with soap, that they swish disinfectant on their hands before they touch you.  Bottles of disinfectant are attached to the side of the door in every room in the hospital for just that reason.  To kill germs.

It is the same way in our spiritual life.  What we believe spiritually also determines how we live our lives.  For instance, if you believe that all roads lead to heaven, you will miss the narrow path that actually leads you there.  And convinced that what you believe is true, you won't look for the truth.

When we believe something, we usually stop looking any further.  That is why it is so important to have a regular daily habit of reading the Bible.  Even if it is only for a minute or two.  It is a book of God's truth.  Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the light.  No man comes to the Father except by me." John 14:6  If you don't believe what Jesus said, someday you are going to be shocked when you find out that what you believed in this life didn't get you to where you wanted to go for eternity.

You can't cram learning about God into a weekend.  It has to be a daily progression in that direction.  My Grandson asked me this week how I knew where to find things in the Bible.  I told him it was because I started reading it when I was seven years old and continued doing that for all my life.  Little by little I learned what was in it, and how to find what I was looking for when I had a question.

Start.  Take a step towards God.  It's never too late.  Learn a little bit every day.  He's the best friend you will ever find.  He loves you.  He knows your name.

I was really lonesome yesterday.  Why that day?  Who knows.  Sometimes you wake up in the morning, get a cup of something hot, read the morning newspaper, do the suduko  and crossword puzzle, fix your breakfast and then realize that you have the whole day in front of you and nothing special to do.  And nowhere special to go.  And no one special to see.  And that makes you lonesome.  For something, or someone, or somewhere.

I don't do that very often.  But when I do, I know that I have to be the one to solve my problem.  So yesterday, I got in the car and went down to Edmond Antiques to see Pam.  She owns the store and has four huge rooms full of treasures.  But she is the greatest treasure in the store.  She is so upbeat.

And when I told her I was there because I was lonesome, she went into high gear to cheer me up--and tell me that my life had purpose, and that people listened to me, and that she loved reading my blog every day, and that I was wonderful, etc., etc.  Sometimes you just need a friend to lift you up and tell you that you are special even when it's not true.

And just so I wouldn't have another day like yesterday of being in the dumps, I drove the 30 minutes to Pat's house to measure the dimensions of her bathroom, utility room and try once more to figure out how to attach a garage to her house.  And Eureka!! We figured it out.

Everyone needs a purpose.  And when I'm blue, I know that I am not busy enough.  That I need more things to do for people.  So I called a friend and am thinking about joining her in tutoring kids.  The program is church based, so I have to get vetted.  Problem is, the kids are grades 2-5.  Not my calling.  However she told me that they have a program for grades 7-12 as well which is where I taught in my church for many years.

Am I going to do it?  I don't know.  I'm going to try it.  It will fill up one half of my Tuesdays.  Now I just  have to work on the other days.

"Whatsoever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might." Ecclesiastes 9:10

Pat and her husband Tom live in a log cabin on twenty acres.  She called last night and asked me to go get something to eat with her.  She is trying to figure out how to attach a garage to her log house.

We worked on a design for over two hours and never did come up with a solution that could attach to the house and not cover up the geo-thermal lines and wells--but there was no good way to do it.  I've helped retrofit eleven houses, and this is the first time I've been stumped.

You can't have everything you want in life.  You have to compromise.  In a situation like this one, I always start by listing my personal priorities--and when I reach an impasse, I take that item off the list and go on from there.  I give up something I really want because it just won't work.

But you can't do that in your Christian life.  Because God sets the priorities.  His plan is always perfect.  Problem is, you have to follow it.  The first step is to acknowledge that there IS a God.  Some people never get past that step because if there is a God, then He might want to require something from them.  They don't want any authority in their lives but their own.

The second step is to acknowledge that He came to earth and died as a sacrifice for the things you have done wrong,  then rose again to intercede for you.  But those steps don't get you there, they just get you started.  The Devil himself believes that there is a God and that He came to earth and died for sin, and rose from the dead.

You have to give up the authority over your own life.  Give all of yourself to God.  That's the hard part because people don't want to be subject to the will of God.  They want to rule their own lives.

It comes down to a matter of trust.  Do you trust God's plan for you or do you think He is "Out to get you."  The more a person reads the Word of God, the more you realize that He has good plans for us.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord.  Thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you and expected end."  Jeremiah 29:ll

Yesterday I dog-sat.  Four dogs going out and coming back in all day.  I can manage the three schnauzers, but the border collie (Sadie) weighs a ton and doesn't come when I call her.  And of course, she got into a "dog-war" with the two dogs on the other side of my fence.  You could hear the three of them growling and barking a mile away.

I finally corralled her and got a leash on her and drug her inside, which I had to do every time I let her out.  However it was a question of who was dragging who.  She is big.  And strong as an ox.

But once inside, they are all really sweet.  Max and Annie and Squig all lie on my lap at the same time and Sadie lays her head on my feet.  At that point, it's a dog party.  Everything is peaceful and calm--until I have to let Sadie out again.  Oh well, I need the exercise.

So far, none of the dogs seems to be interested in the koi pond--which seems unusual.  It looks to me like the fish would be an attraction for them.  But all they do is drink the water.  Maybe they haven't noticed the fish.  I hope that's it.

John, my gardner, brought me three new Koi babies.  I had turned the pump off when I went to Paris and two of my big Koi had died.   (I thought it was cold enough for them to go into hibernation.  It wasn't.)  I'm going to try and not kill these.  I really felt awful about it.

"And...God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them.  And whatever Adam called them that was their name." Genesis 2:19

I haven't named my baby Koi yet.

I am terrible when it comes to doing my homework in a Bible class I enrolled in.  I'll memorize the scripture, but filling in all those blanks (by the questions they ask) drives me nuts.  It takes so much time, and I have the answers in my head--so why write them down??

I guess we all have our own way of doing things.  We just need to be sure we know what we are doing.  That's a pretty important point.  Questioning ourselves is a good thing, "Why do I do this thing this particular way?  Is there a better way to do it?  Do I have to fill in the blanks?"

Our habits control us, and if we don't examine them, they can limit what we accomplish because we don't advance or learn anything new.  Or anything better.  In other words, we get in a rut.  I like the rut I'm in but I try and explore the edges of the rut on occasion to see what's out there.

I never go anywhere that I don't go through the four "P's" to be sure I'm not forgetting something critical.  1. Purse,  2. Passport,  3.  Phone,  4.  Pills.  Everything else that I forget can be replaced or bought when I get where I'm going.  I never take more than one small bag anywhere I go--including overseas.  But those four things are absolutes.

The first time I went to Paris, I stayed a week and the only thing I took besides the four P's was a backpack.  I am always amazed at the people getting off an airplane that have to navigate with four or five pieces of luggage.  Why?  I don't get it.

When we go to heaven, we aren't taking anything with us.  I'm especially anxious to get rid of the pills.  Just think, we are going to get new bodies.  It's a good thing because mine is pretty well shot.  It's served me well, but now it is falling apart.  A little here, a little there.

But God is good.  I'm still kicking.  I have no major pains that I can't endure.  And as long as the pace-maker keeps working, I'm good.  The doctor tells me that my heart is perfect in every way, except that it doesn't beat.  Psalms 51:10 "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."  God's in the business of fixing hearts.  

I've always thrown parties in my home for family, church, showers--bridal and baby--and Ken's squadrons.  It just seemed like I was the one who did that for some reason.  Thirty to forty people was  the usual count that I could seat at tables.  But if there were more, they just sat on the floor around a big old round oak coffee table.  No big deal.

But there is a time you quit doing those things.  Your children are gone, other younger women start doing what you used to do, and your socials get smaller.  And fewer.  Finally I quit.  Until last Saturday.  I had my Sunday morning class over for dinner.  There were nine of us.

And what I found out was--I had forgotten about all the details that go into having a party.  A million details.  When you quit doing something, and then try to do it again, you realize that you have lost some of your ability to make it happen.  And it becomes a big deal.

I eventually got there--it turned out great.  Everyone had a good time.  And after it was over, I fell into bed, slept like the dead, and promised myself that I would never do that again.  I'm sure I will forget and do it again someday.  But it wasn't easy like it used to be.

There are habits that we have in life, when neglected, become harder to reimplement.  I have been saddened at the number of people in America that have stopped going faithfully to church.  They have lost the commitment, the habit, in their lives.  Because, let's face it, occasionally you get a pastor that isn't dynamic, or the music doesn't suit you, or someone irritates us, etc. etc...excuses.  But going to church puts us in contact with people who are on the same path that we are on.

And it's not always about what you get out of it.  There comes a point in Christian maturity when you realize that there are many people who need what you have to give.  And the people in your church bond in a way that doesn't happen anywhere else.  God put it this way: "...let us consider how to spur one another on to love and good deeds.  Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit of doing, but let us encourage one another..."

God expects us to gather together.  It's his way of insuring that Christian people bond.

I learned about endurance when I married Ken.  I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't having to endure.  But there I was in Pensacola, Florida.  Eighteen years old.  No car.  No friends, no church family.  Actually, no family at all.  Couldn't cook and didn't have a clue about what Ken did every day.  I couldn't even carry on a conversation about his work--I wouldn't have understood it anyway.  I was an appendage to his life and hadn't figured out what my life was yet.

And then the children came along--one every eighteen months.  Children that I had to raise almost entirely by myself because Ken worked sunup to sundown.  And nights--when he had cadets that had to learn instruments--how to fly in the dark.  Someone had to teach them how to do it.  The good thing was that we seldom had an argument because there was so little time together.  We had been married 3 years when he went overseas for 13 months and left me with two babies.  (Obviously, we crossed paths a few times!!)

We barely knew each other, and it was years before he was really there in our lives.  I just endured the days, weeks, and sometimes years that he was gone, waiting, holding it all together somehow.

Becky was very ill once, they hospitalized her--and gave her no chance of recovery.  Ken was deployed.  I asked if he could come in from the field.  The answer was "No, he has the experience in  laying steel tarmac.  We don't.  They need a tarmac runway in Nam...they're depending on him."

I sat in the hospital by myself night after night.  I didn't know the doctors.  Or the nurses.  Alone.  Wondering what was going to happen.  I don't know what people do at a time like that when they don't know God.  We had lost our third daughter two years earlier, and I felt that we were going to lose another one.  God intervened, and she lived.  And I endured.  What else could one do?

Every move, every childhood disease, every broken bone, every scraped knee, etc., etc...well, you know who took care of it.  There was no point in stressing.  There was nothing to be done about any of it.  Marine families live with great stress in difficult circumstances.  It's not normal--whatever that is.  I think a person either rises to the occasion, or gives up.  I don't give up.  What's the point in that.

Proverbs has a quote on everything.  Whatever you need advice on--Proverbs has it.

Proverbs 11:13 "A tale bearer reveals secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit conceals the matter."  I bet you have figured out who you can trust with a confidence and who you can't.  I know I have.  And there are some people with whom I would never share anything.  Anything.  Nadda.

"Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint."  Proverbs 25:19

Once, when I was in the ninth grade, I was given the responsibly of selling a bunch of tickets for an event in our high school.  I was told to get people to help me do it, which I did.  I placed my confidence in them.  Five days later, I rounded up those people to turn in the money, and one of the girls (who had said she would help) hadn't sold a single ticket.  Why she volunteered to do it in the first place I'll never know.  But there I was--stuck, spending that last day running around Pryor selling her tickets  I never forgot that lesson.  And I never put any confidence in her again.  And here I am, 60 years later, still remembering how that felt.  Like a broken tooth.  Or a foot out of joint.

I always liked this Proverb:  "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."  Proverbs 25:11  Ken's mother had the gift of saying exactly the right thing at the right time.  She didn't say much, but when she did, you listened.  "Oh my," she once told me. "Don't pray for patience.  Because when you do, all you get is more tribulation."

She told me to read James 1:3 which I did.  "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith develops patience."  She was right.  Patience always comes from enduring a difficult situation.  You really don't need it any other time.  By praying for patience, I was asking for more difficulty.  What I needed to do was ask God for the ability to endure the problems that came my way.

Which I learned to do.  Endure.  Now, I know that things are going to happen in my life that I don't like.   I just have to wait it out, and trust God to give me the strength to do just that.