Most people are waiting on someone to notice them.  It doesn't seem to be in the human genome to be the one to extend themselves and make "outsiders" welcome.  I shared a "for instance" with my class Sunday morning.  I told them that it is easy to "settle in" with a group and get comfortable--and shared what happened to me once, when I joined a class of over thirty-five people that had been together for years.

I had just moved to Edmond and was visiting this group to see if it was a fit for me.  I was welcomed, and that was the end of that.  When I came back the second time, nobody paid any attention.  They had been together long enough that they knew each other, separated into small groups--a normal breakdown was around five or six--that's how many people a table would hold.  People gravitated to the same table week after week.  Nobody invited me to sit at their table.  I've been a member of a lot of churches and know that they truly don't know how unwelcoming they are.  They just haven't been trained to be friendly.  To take individual, personal responsibility for an atmosphere of inclusion.

So I did an experiment.  I spent the next two weeks learning everybody's name.  All thirty five of them.  And the next week, and the next, I walked up to each person, called them by name and asked about their week.  By the third week, I was somebody who was important--becauseI knew their name.

What I knew "going in" was--that many of them didn't even know each other's names.  Crowd dynamics.  You settle into your small group.  Once settled, there is no need to extend yourself out of that group. Because everyone is looking for acceptance, they don't look upon themselves as the "Acceptor."  Very few people will extend themselves in that way.  Shyness?  Feelings of inadequacy?  Indifference?  Lack of awareness?  Lack of responsibility?  And we are Christians!!!

I grew up with a mom that stressed responsibility for including people.  She said, "Smile.  Say hello.  YOU must be the one to do that.  People are lonely and insecure."  That's how I grew up.  Smiling and saying hello when I encountered people I didn't know.  Now, I can see how valuable that is.  And that most people don't how to do that.  They are waiting to be included.  They don't see themselves as the "Includer."  So, look around you.  Somebody is hoping you will learn their name.